Corporations are People, My Friend

ptshih

There are now flyers springing up around SOMA denouncing Peter Shih and his Y-Combinator-backed startup.

Last week, Peter published a rant on Medium describing everything he hates about San Francisco. The public transportation sucks, there are homeless people on the streets, the girls are ugly, and so on. We all feel very sorry for you, Peter.

Unfortunately for Peter, the city of San Francisco now hates him back. As if launching a startup wasn’t hard enough, Peter just shot his company in the face. His teammates must be thrilled.

In the end, corporations are people too. Apple was Steve Jobs, Amazon is Jeff Bezos, and Yahoo is now Marissa Mayer. Celery is Peter Shih.

Peter has since taken down his post, and I’m sure he learned an important lesson as well: Don’t publicly hate on the city in which you’re trying to start a company.


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peter-shihs-original-post

Why the Geese Stopped Migrating

Elaine geese

The trails at Shoreline are caked with goose droppings. Thousands of Canadian geese call this place their home, and they never leave.

There was a time when Canadian geese would migrate twice a year. But at Shoreline, visitors feed them sandwich crusts until they’re too fat to fly.

No wonder they don’t want to migrate 1400 miles back to Canada. There’s no free food in Canada and besides, Canada sucks.

Canadian Geese Shoreline

That’s how animals became domesticated. Humans had food, wild animals came for the scraps, and the ones who could play nice with people got more food. As generations passed, the most docile and stupid animals made docile and stupid offspring.

Useless yappy dogs were once gray wolves, chickens were once jungle pheasants, and the ham sandwich that I ate for lunch was once a wild boar. By depending on humans as a source of free food, wild animals lost the gravel in their gut and the spit in their eye.

Your ancestors would be so ashamed
Your ancestors would be so ashamed

Give a man a wheelchair, and he’ll learn to be a cripple. Give a fisherman enough fish, and he’ll forget how to fish.

If you want to take away a person’s resourcefulness and scrap, give him a salary and health insurance and cushy benefits. Make sure there’s free food at the workplace so he comes to trust the employer. Domesticate him, make him docile and stupid.

If you want to make a man forget how to think, make sure he never goes hungry.

How Do I Change Careers Without Investing in an Expensive Degree?

Intel
This evening, I spent a couple hours with a college friend who works at a large nameless corporation doing some sort of circuit engineering crap. She desperately wanted to get out, had some idea of what she would like to do instead, but didn’t know the way.

I looked back and examined the paths of my countless other friends who have changed careers over the years:

amazon logoSpecimen A was in my lab group and got his PhD from Stanford in Electrical Engineering. Upon graduation, he went to work at Intel designing circuits. Years later, he realized that his new, younger, less-educated girlfriend with a computer science degree was earning far more than him. He spent several months teaching himself to program, applied for various software positions, and landed an entry-level position as a software developer. He now makes a salary similar to that of his girlfriend, with room for career advancement if he plays his cards right.

apple-logoSpecimen H was also in my lab, also got his PhD in EE, and also went to Intel upon graduation. After realizing that circuit design is a dying discipline, he applied for various software positions. Ill-prepared, he was turned down. He got a job at a large company that does both hardware and software, and is angling to eventually move to a software group.

rebuild the dreamSpecimen J graduated with a PhD in robotics from a university in Europe. Uninspired by his career prospects, he left to volunteer for a cause that he was passionate about. He spent a couple years working for a related nonprofit and built up a valuable network. Leveraging this network, he eventually obtained a grant to start his own company to benefit this cause.

mumford brewingSpecimen P was a technician in a biology lab and wanted a managerial role. He went to USC and graduated with an MBA, but couldn’t find a job. Desperately unemployed, he ended up starting his own company while already $100k in debt from business school. I asked him whether he thought business school was worth it, and he said that it was worth it in that it pushed him to hit rock bottom, at which point he was inspired to start his own business.

bloomreach logoSpecimen W graduated with a PhD in EE from Stanford. Having been published in a prominent scientific journal, he was on his way to a career as a research physicist. However, those last months at Stanford squeezed the life out of him, so he instead took a year off to learn a completely different discipline. He took online courses in computer science and then got a job as a data scientist for a small software company.

Berkeley_Law_LogoSpecimen W2 was in my Stanford lab, obtained her PhD in EE, and went to work at Intel. A year later, she applied to law school and quit her job. She is now a patent attorney. (Is that really less dreadful than working at Intel?)

barnacleSpecimen E (hey that’s me!) was a circuit design cog at Intel, just like everyone else who graduated in EE from Stanford. She quietly took online programming courses when her manager wasn’t looking. Then she quit her job and went to write code for a friend’s startup. Because she didn’t really know what she was doing, she agreed to be paid only minimum wage. When E learned all that she could from that job, she left and started Barnacle.

Conclusion:

Through these case studies, one might conclude that Intel is a terrible place to work. It’s not; my sample is just a little biased.

Unless you truly want a job that explicitly requires an advanced degree (doctor/lawyer/accountant etc), the education itself can be obtained for free.

An advanced degree is only valuable for the connections you make while earning the degree. A degree from a top-tier school will open doors in any field. BUT, if you are good enough to get into a top-tier school, you likely already have the resourcefulness to open your own damn doors.

If you can’t get into a top university but still want to change careers, set aside the time and money you would spend on furthering your education, and use it to either fund your own business or fund yourself. Working for free is an excellent way to gain valuable work experience with no prior qualifications. Everyone wants a free employee. 500 years ago, this was called an apprenticeship.

You can't fire me if I'm working for free.

How To Tell Someone Their Work Sucks

Don't do that.
Don’t do that.

For my high school English class, I wrote a short story about penguins who tried to take over the planet. I got a C.

Your story makes no sense, wrote Mrs. K.

IT MAKES SENSE BUT YOU’RE JUST TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND IT, I wanted to scream. But I didn’t, because she controlled my GPA. It didn’t matter; my hopes of becoming a novelist were crushed.

A few months ago, a friend sent me a short story he had written.

What do you think? he asked.

I’m no literary reviewer, but I’m pretty sure the story sucked. Except he probably thought it was great. He wouldn’t have been so eager to share his work otherwise.

I don’t want to tell anyone their work sucks, because it’s not nice to curb-stomp someone’s dream. But what if it really does suck?

I loved it, I lied. Maybe he needed to keep at it. Creative writing is not an innate talent any more than writing code is an innate talent.

But what about Mozart, who was composing music by age 5?

Listen to Mozart’s early symphonies. They suck. In fact, his first seven compositions were largely plagiarized. His first decent concerto, No. 9, was written at age 21. Symphony No. 40, deemed his greatest work, wasn’t written until age 32.

You suck. Try harder.
You suck at piano. Try harder.

Mozart began working with his father, a teacher and composer, at age 3. He practiced at least 3 hours a day, which is over a thousand hours a year. By age 21, Mozart had spent nearly 20,000 hours playing and composing [1].

Talent, even creative talent, takes a lot of hard work.

Now that I think about it, I should have said to my friend, I loved your story but your plot was lacking any conflict or resolution. Also, your grammar and sentence construction need work.

This way he could maybe go back and revise it instead of wondering why The New Yorker still hasn’t answered his queries.

See also:
1. Genius Explained, by Michael Howe

Why Employers Want You To Buy a House

house for sale

Yesterday, my classmate from Harvard sent me a message to tell me that an offer he’d made on a multimillion-dollar home had been accepted. My stomach hurt a little bit. If I hadn’t quit my job, I’d be taking in his same salary. Maybe I would be buying a big house instead of slumming in a garage.

When I accepted my job offer at Intel, I was assigned a Home Mortgage Consultant. They had their own Relocation Mortgage Program for new employees. That was awfully nice of them, I thought. They’re really looking out for me. Of course not. Intel wanted me to buy a house and take on a mortgage because the payments would have enslaved me for at least the next decade.

Why would anyone want to be enslaved to an expensive house? I feel sorry for my classmate. He’ll be making mortgage payments until his retirement party. And it’s a big house, which means he will likely populate it with offspring. He might as well have thrown a dog collar around his neck with a short rope to his cubicle. That’s what companies want.