I got a new Lenovo Thinkpad X230 to replace the computer that I drowned. It came preloaded with Windows 8. I didn’t know it was possible for a dual-core i5 to run slower than snail shit.
I should have listened to my coworkers and gotten a Mac.
There exists a “restless” gene — a genetic predisposition toward exploration — in some humans. It’s what drove ancient people to migrate around the world.
People with this gene thrive in dynamic environments, but wither away in boring stable ones.
I’d speculate that the majority of Americans have this gene. After all, save for Native Americans, we’re all nth-generation immigrants. Our culture embraces innovation and exploration — that’s why pilots get all the hot chicks.
[Our culture] gives our malleable genomes, imaginative minds, and clever hands the power to transform even the strongest forces in our environment—wind, water, current—from threat to opportunity. Let the wind rise to a howl and raise a great sea; we needn’t stay home or become flotsam, for we can change tack, trim sail, and become what amounts to a different vessel.
Restless Genes — National Geographic
I was shopping with my friend Kim. She was trying on skirts, a long and futile process.
“These skirts all make my butt look big,” she complained.
“Maybe it’s actually your big butt that makes your butt look big,” I offered helpfully.
Elaine went to a job interview. “I want to work for your company,” she said.
“Tell me about your current job,” the interviewer replied.
“My boss sucks. He treats me like I’m his bitch. I work 90 hours a week and I get no credit for anything. I want to work someplace where I’ll be appreciated.”
“That’s what this company is like too. And all the other ones out there. If you come work here, you’ll be treated like an earthworm.”
Stebe wanted to leave his wife. “She’s mean and she makes me miserable,” he said. “I want to leave her and go be with Marissa.”
“Don’t do it,” Elaine warned. “Marissa is just as mean, and you’ll end up twice as miserable.”
“You’ve never even met Marissa.”
A person came to a new village, and went to a Zen Master and asked: “Do you think I will like it in this village?” The Master replied: “How were the people in the town where you come from?” “They were mean, nasty and greedy,” said the newcomer. “Those are exactly the type of people we have in this village,” said the Master.
Another new visitor came to the village and went to the same Master and asked the same question. The Master replied: “How were the people in the town where you come from?” “They were nice and lived in harmony, they respected each other.” “Those are exactly the type of people we have in this village,” said the Master.
8 Zen Master Stories — Ashtanga Yoga
Brought to you by the Melbourne Metro.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJNR2EpS0jw&w=560&h=315]
It’s my birthday today! Had I known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself. By all rational measures, I should have been removed from the gene pool ages ago. I attribute my long-standing survival to the fact that some greater power is out there looking out for idiots like me.
It must be true. God protects drunks and fools. Repeated studies show that drivers with higher blood alcohol concentrations are less likely to die from trauma than sober drivers involved in similar accidents. Then again, some hypothesize that drunks are more relaxed, hence their ability to absorb traumatic blows.
Anyway, I’m getting older. The earth is getting warmer, tax rates will increase, and China is going to take over the world. Maybe civilization is on a crash course to an apocalyptic twilight. So it goes. Far be it from me to try and alter that course. Fighting against inevitabilities is the quickest way to unhappiness and death. Relax and you just might survive.