God Protects Drunks and Fools

It’s my birthday today! Had I known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself. By all rational measures, I should have been removed from the gene pool ages ago. I attribute my long-standing survival to the fact that some greater power is out there looking out for idiots like me.

It must be true. God protects drunks and fools. Repeated studies show that drivers with higher blood alcohol concentrations are less likely to die from trauma than sober drivers involved in similar accidents. Then again, some hypothesize that drunks are more relaxed, hence their ability to absorb traumatic blows.

Anyway, I’m getting older. The earth is getting warmer, tax rates will increase, and China is going to take over the world. Maybe civilization is on a crash course to an apocalyptic twilight. So it goes. Far be it from me to try and alter that course. Fighting against inevitabilities is the quickest way to unhappiness and death. Relax and you just might survive.

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