An Open Letter to Fellow Yellows

Unless you’re living under a rock, you’ve probably noticed a bunch of violence against Asian Americans of late. Perhaps you’ve experienced some yourself.

Here’s an account that tracks anti-Asian hate crimes in NYC. Some of it is bad. Really bad. It’s pretty obvious who the assailants are, but media outlets insist on blaming White Supremacists. “White Supremacy” has become a catchall term for everything bad in this world, and Asians aren’t exactly stepping up to correct the record.

I sort of understand the reticence. Going to public school as a kid, we got our ass beat plenty. We always knew better than to snitch on our aggressors. Get the yard teacher involved, and you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of beatings from everybody. So you’d go to the teacher with a bruised lip and a bloody nose, and tell her you fell down some stairs. You want the sympathy without the retribution.

Well, it’s time to grow up. If you act like a victim, you’ll be treated like a victim. And not in the diversity-hire-and-preferential-college-admits kinda way. I mean, like this:

Maybe you’re excited because Biden allocated $49.5 million towards fighting anti-Asian violence. This comes from your own money, you know. (As an Asian American, you probably pay taxes.) And if you read Biden’s press release, you’ll see that none of that money is gonna do a damn thing. It’s going to committees and NGOs, and a stupid virtual bookshelf to celebrate Asian American contributions.

Most of these attackers are homeless or hopped up on drugs; wokeness training isn’t the answer. The one thing that might curb violence is a massive increase in police activity, but that’s politically untenable.

Looks like we’re going to have to take matters into our own hands.

There’s a certain demographic that everyone knows not to mess with. Something to do with a reputation for uncontrollable violence. The reputation may or may not be deserved; it could well be the result of harmful stereotypes advanced by the media. Either way, the stereotype is useful. Would-be attackers ain’t gonna mess with someone who might go all Ray Rice on their ass.

If we want to #StopAsianHate, we need the same reputation. There’s a well-known blog called Angry Asian Man. Problem is, he’s not very angry at all. Like, if you see this face approach you on the street, you’re not gonna quickly cross to the other side.

Here’s a story I found particularly instructive. Homeless guy punches an old Asian woman; she grabs a 2×4 and delivers a beatdown. Was the beating a reasonable act of self-defense? Who cares, the lady’s channeling her inner Tiger Mother. She’s wailin’ on that fellow like he’s a schoolkid who brought home a B+. NO MERCY! That’s the energy that will #StopAsianHate.

Roof Koreans are good; Trigger-happy Roof Koreans better. Trigger-happy no-f*cks-given Bodo League Roof Koreans with poor muzzle control — Now that’s the reputation we want to cultivate.

Note: It isn’t necessary to commit murder. In fact, please don’t actually kill anyone. The trick is to freakout preemptively. COVID is still a thing, yes? That means any violation of social distancing is effectively a provocation of violence. If another human enters your 6-foot bubble, that’s the time to grab a bludgeon and swing like a crazy person.

I’ll end with a story.

Many many years ago, I was shopping with my mother when she unwittingly bumped a man with her cart. The guy muttered a racist comment and turned to walk away. Being a good kid, I ran after him and asked, “WHAT THE F*&^ IS YOUR PROBLEM, ASSHOLE?? YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH MY MAMA? YOU WANNA START SOME SH!*? SAY IT TO MY FACE MOTHERF*&^*&^R!” I tailed him for two aisles screaming profanities, so that by the time he escaped, everyone at Walmart knew he was an asshole.

The point is, I wouldn’t have done that if he wasn’t white. So let them be a warning to us all.

6 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Fellow Yellows

  1. I worked with Asians (Koreans, Taiwanese) in the 70’s. They came here with little but the desire to work and take care of their families…..which they did.

    At that time, there was another major ethnic group that complained they could not get ahead because “the system” was stacked against them.

    Those hard working Asians exposed that lie and because of that, they have been resented ever since.

    1. the NYTimes’ 1619 project and BLM propaganda have been pounding that lie back into our heads for over a year. I think it’s making things worse…

  2. Thanks as always for your analysis. However your reference to the Bodo League without more explanation has high probability of being taken the wrong way. The Bodo League Massacres were a reprehensible action by the South Korean government against its own citizens during the Korean War.

    1. My apologies; My brain was thinking of Banzai, but since I was describing Roof Koreans my neurons jumped to Bodo League. Probably a case of internalized racism.

  3. Facts must be faced. One fact is that in order to survive in a decaying society, or any society for that matter, one needs the tools and expertise to do so. For millennia, whenever a man left his home he grabbed a stick on the way out the door. A “walking stick”. This was common until the advent of the automobile, when people began to feel safe and comfortable locked into their steel transportation. Unfortunately, upon arrival at one’s destination there is exposure to possible problems between the car and the door. A person with even a rudimentary knowledge of fighting with sticks can put an adversary in the hospital in seconds, in the unlikely event that it should even be necessary. Social deviants don’t mess with people carrying sticks. Furthermore, sticks are accepted as canes, a necessity for the disabled. A person carrying a stick can’t be refused admittance to any event or form of transportation. Dogs also have a fear of stick-bearing humans. Carry a stick. There are beautiful, custom-made ones that are actually fashion accessories, as they once commonly were.

    Hats were once a fashion item for women. A complement to the hat was the hat pin, used to affix the hat to head. There were many instances of women defending themselves with a 5 inch hat pin. Driving a hat pin into the body of an attacker will immediately change his priorities.

  4. > Problem is, he’s not very angry at all.

    It really is blatant false advertising. And clear display of our collective inability to get REALLY angry. Except if you come home with a B+ of course

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