Hate Music

Spotify is embarking on a mission to purge itself of Hate Music. Right, that’s a thing now. The offensiveness of the music will be determined entirely by the Southern Poverty Law Center, which hands out hate labels like popcorn.

I feel like music is one of the few productive outlets available for young people to vent angsty-kid energy. Taking it away seems mean. Not to worry though – Spotify and the SPLC have curated a replacement playlist to fill the void! Here’s what they think people should listen to instead of Hate Music. YES, if there’s one thing kids love, it’s having their parents select their music!

I like how the list includes N.W.A., the same musical artist who brought us such gems as “Fuck Tha Police” and “A Bitch Iz a Bitch”. Despite the SPLC’s copious concern, they seem to be completely ignoring one genre that actually promotes violence.

While we’re here, I’d like to share some of my favorite Hate Music before it gets wiped off the internet.

Oh, I wish I was in the land of cotton,
Old times there are not forgotten.
Look away, look away, look away Dixie Land!

“Dixie” was the national anthem of the Confederacy. It needs to go.

There’s a yellow girl in Texas
That I’m going down to see
No other darkies know her
No darkey, only me

“The Yellow Rose of Texas” was popular in the Texas Brigade during the Civil War. It is super problematic.

“Lore, Lore” was a German military song during World War II. That’s right, it was sung by REAL NAZIs. Let’s ban it, and ban all those other songs that sound disturbingly similar to it.

6 thoughts on “Hate Music

  1. I can’t decide if your Spotify article is real or if you’re just kidding around. I hope you’re kidding but I’m scared and nauseated that what you wrote is actually true.

    1. Oh: if the question is whether or not I think “Dixie” or Nazi marching band music should be banned — NO of course not!! That Nazi ditty is a German version of the Battle Hymn of the Republic, which we use EVERYWHERE.

    2. I can’t decide if your comment is Twitter-level outrage tuned to the max, or a genuinely concerned question on whether the development is factual. I hope it’s the latter and do forgive me if it is!

  2. Another great comment. I have come to absolutely love your blog. The fact that you even have a typical “moral outrage” person as your first comment makes it even better. If you are not offending people like that, then you are doing wrong.

    1. I think you misunderstood my comment. For the record, I believe it is wrong for Spotify to take it upon themselves to decide which music should be available and which music should be banned.

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