All Creatures Great and Small

I haven’t been posting. I’m handfeeding an injured bird — Did you know that birds eat up to half their weight in food each day? Don’t lecture me about priorities; I don’t wanna hear it. After a month she’s still a cripple, so she’ll likely become a permanent ward of the state. Haven’t really thought things through.

Oh, and ground squirrels. I’m killing several dozen of these each week, and they just keep coming. Is it…is it bad that I relish each kill? I almost typed “oh man it’s kind of sick how much joy I get out of being cruel to small fuzzy squirrels” but then I realized that that makes me sound like a sociopath.

And I don’t enjoy it, really. Now we have coyotes trying to get at the cadavers, scads of fleas looking for a new host, and OH GOD THE SMELL. Combined with the swarming flies and turkey vultures circling the yard, I swear to god my neighbors are gonna think I murdered someone. What did Jeffrey Dahmer use to disappear all those dead bodies? I want to google it but I’m scared of having this query on my permanent record.

AHHH I HATE NATURE! Why can’t I have nature in a sterile glass bubble, like Jeff Bezos and his eco-terrarium at Amazon? I mean, I like wildlife and diversity and all things bright and beautiful, as long as they stay in the wilderness and I can selectively see them when I please. As long as I can pick and choose which diversity gets to live near my home.

This is the future liberals want.

See also: San Francisco.

Bezos’s Balls

Aside: Why do people feel sympathy for birds but not rodents? Why do we complain about domestic cats killing songbirds, but say nothing about the same cats decimating the rat population? Is it because rats carry human-infectious diseases? If so, then shouldn’t we feel WORSE about killing rats? They’re so genetically similar to humans that we can share diseases!

I like how this article features a picture of a field mouse running with a baby. OH MY GOD, that mouse is somebody’s MOTHER!! Every time you eat a slice of bread, YOU ARE KILLING SOMEONE’S MOMMY.

Nope, still gross.

7 thoughts on “All Creatures Great and Small

  1. Ecologically rats are a predator of humans. Birds may eat grain while it’s out growing in your field, but rats will eat the grain you thought you had laid up in the granary.

  2. Fear is mostly a learned or conditioned behavior, DNA don’t give a fuck what the leveinstein distance is of mice and men. Genes are selfish, they only care about copying themselves. However fear is conditioned at different rates for different things. There is some evolutionary pressure to fear rats, snakes, etc. as our ancestors who learned to fear faster generally did not die to poisoning and disease.

    1. I buy that argument for snakes and spiders, but not so much for rats. Wild hampsters look just like rats, but somewhere along the line people said “hey let’s start breeding these things and turn them into cuddly pets.” Why did we choose hampsters and bunnies, but not rats or groundhogs?

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