Preparing for Life on Mars

I don’t want to live on this planet anymore. Let’s move to Mars!

Interplanetary colonization is gonna happen. Elon Musk said so. And even though the SpaceX interplanetary rocket won’t be ready for another decade, there’s a lot we can do to prepare ourselves right here on Earth.

For starters, those long hours spent playing Fallout 4 will pay off. Mars doesn’t have a global magnetic field or dense atmosphere to protect inhabitants from the sun’s radiation, so residents can expect a year-round nuclear winter. Instead of pressurized glass domes, we’ll reside in underground bunkers. Cartoon Martians are often colored green, although a more accurate depiction would be a crispy-fried brown.

fallout-boy

If we really want to prepare for life on Mars, we need to get people accustomed to underground living. We can start right now with the Bay Area and its severe housing shortage. Zoning laws place limits on building heights, but they don’t say anything about building depths. Sure, San Francisco lies on the San Andreas fault, but our Martian fallout shelters will also be constructed near areas of seismic activity. That’s where hydrogen is generated; that’s the stuff life is made of. So let’s start building rabbit warrens under the city. If you enjoy living under Market Street, you’ll love Mars. Although I would sincerely miss some things of Earth, like playing my favorite online videogames and getting elo boosting services.

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I used to have one of those plastic ant farms as a kid, where you get live ants in the mail and watch them architect their subterranean homes. Sometimes I would shake my ant farm upside down to collapse all the ant houses. Whatever, it created jobs, Keynes said so. When I find my way to Mars, I swear those ants will come back to haunt me.

See Also:
Who Wants a Ticket to Mars? –Bloomberg

6 thoughts on “Preparing for Life on Mars

      1. shouldn’t that be No-airbnb? or make sure to pack your own air, airbnb?

        Most curious as to why all the .com South African billionaires (both of them) are obsessed with space.. ? MS appears to have got over it since his overpriced airbnb stay on the ISS but Elon Musk seems to have already moved to a new planet.. One I believe located in the esophageal sphincter nebula; an area of space he already owns.

        1. Haha, very funny. Well, Elon Musk also thinks we are living in a simulated reality, so I think you’re right about him leaving this planet a long time ago…

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