The Best Way to Invest a Single Dollar


Feed a hungry child. Donate it to the homeless. Put it in a stripper’s G-string and find true love.

This question was posed to people all around the world and the answers were universally terrible.

Most disturbing was how few people understood the word invest.

Per Investopedia: Investing is the act of committing money or capital to an endeavor with the expectation of obtaining an additional income or profit.

Donating to charity is socially responsible, but definitely not profitable. Tipping a stripper is just stupid:

The more you invest in a stripper, the less you get free things from that stripper.

The one suggestion that didn’t suck was Buy some seeds. Unfortunately, that response concluded with …so that you can plant a tree or two to make the world a better place.

Putting your 401k towards making the world a better place is not a good retirement strategy.

Here are some far better ways to invest a single dollar. Well really just one, but feel free to diverge from the path at any time.

  1. Buy seeds. Given current commodity prices, choose coffee plant seeds. You may achieve better returns with medicinal plants, but you’re on your own with that one.


    A dollars’ worth of seeds will result in a conservative estimate of 60 plants. Each plant yields 10 pounds of coffee cherry per year. This turns into 2 pounds of green beans. After one year, you can expect 120 lbs of coffee beans.

  2. Sell 120 lbs’ worth of coffee futures with a one-year delivery date. The going rate is $1.24 per pound. Now you have $149.
  3. Buy three-dozen baby chickens. Turn them loose on your coffee plantation, where they will eat grubs and produce fertilizer.
  4. chicks

  5. Hens lay 280 eggs per year. The expected annual yield for 36 hens is 10,080 eggs, or 840 dozen. Sell these organic free-range eggs for $5 a dozen.

    Now you have $4,200.

  6. Use that as down payment on a taco truck. Slaughter the chickens, drive to Portland, and sell artisanal chicken nuggets to hipsters.
  7. Retire.

Never underestimate the power of leverage.

One thought on “The Best Way to Invest a Single Dollar

Leave a Reply