I was shopping with my friend Kim. She was trying on skirts, a long and futile process.

“These skirts all make my butt look big,” she complained.

“Maybe it’s actually your big butt that makes your butt look big,” I offered helpfully.

Elaine went to a job interview. “I want to work for your company,” she said.

“Tell me about your current job,” the interviewer replied.

“My boss sucks. He treats me like I’m his bitch. I work 90 hours a week and I get no credit for anything. I want to work someplace where I’ll be appreciated.”

“That’s what this company is like too. And all the other ones out there. If you come work here, you’ll be treated like an earthworm.”

Stebe wanted to leave his wife. “She’s mean and she makes me miserable,” he said. “I want to leave her and go be with Marissa.”

“Don’t do it,” Elaine warned. “Marissa is just as mean, and you’ll end up twice as miserable.”

“You’ve never even met Marissa.”

A person came to a new village, and went to a Zen Master and asked: “Do you think I will like it in this village?” The Master replied: “How were the people in the town where you come from?” “They were mean, nasty and greedy,” said the newcomer. “Those are exactly the type of people we have in this village,” said the Master.

Another new visitor came to the village and went to the same Master and asked the same question. The Master replied: “How were the people in the town where you come from?” “They were nice and lived in harmony, they respected each other.” “Those are exactly the type of people we have in this village,” said the Master.

8 Zen Master Stories — Ashtanga Yoga